Hopelessly Hopeful

Are you feeling zapped because nothing is making sense, and your mind is constantly trying to connect the dots, trying to find a pattern, anything that can tell you that you are on the right path? Usually, when I face such a situation I sit quietly in a corner and ask myself, "What should I believe, that which I can process through my mind and senses or that which my inner self is telling me to be true?" The acceptance of the outcome of that question is never easy, because as much as I usually want to believe what my intrinsic self is telling me, my mind definitely try to make a compelling case against it. It is only when I calm myself down, and see beyond reason, that I become at peace with myself and accept what I know to be true but have no way to prove it.  This constant I vs. I definitely is tiring, but that exactly is the process through which you know what you really want in life. Somehow, we all know the answer, it is often we ask the wrong questions. Probe yourself, ...

So, I recently had a yikes moment. Here's a thing. I am generally liked by everyone, but there are definitely people who don't like me at all. And it's like they kind of hate my guts. It's there on their faces. They just dislike me to the core. There was a time that would have bothered me a lot, but these days I find it really funny. Well, here's a story. There has been a certain male friend with whom I had shared a nice vibe at a point in time. For me, he wasn't anything more than a friend, though he did try his luck out. He eventually hooked up with someone I kind of was acquainted with, and eventually they got married. I have no clue what this idiot friend of mine had told his wife, she seems to hate my guts. And she is an amazingly smart and independent lady, and it's just such a surprise to be an item of her envy. Won't lie that it does feel nice somewhat, but it is so futile. Really, was never interested and this just seems so ridiculous.  To be ho...

Life is a gift, isn't it? Living could be awesome too, as long as you decide to live it, good or bad, no matter what. I am grateful for this life and somehow, being in the present is a beautiful way of enjoying this gift, isn’t it? I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I don’t know if I will ever have so much time to do everything that I want to do in my life. But I do believe that if I have been able to live today in the best possible way that I could, it should be enough. If I could live being grateful for what I have, always be kind and compassionate - no matter the person at the other end - and remain open to welcome happiness and sadness equally, that should be enough.  And, each day, I learn something new, and each day I try to make myself a bit better. Every moment I spend with myself, I like myself a bit more too. Nope, not turning into Narcissus, thank you so much 😄 Yes, living isn't easy, but it is our choice how we want to live it. I choose to live it with a smile,...

If you could start again from the beginning what would you do? If you are given a choice to wipe your slate clean and start from the word 'go' what all will you change in your life? Often, we have a long list of regrets that we want to forget, there are things we wanted to do but couldn't, some mistakes we wanted to rectify. Whatever happened in the past cannot be changed, but living in regret forever or cursing oneself or feeling bad about the decisions that were not taken isn't the solution.  If you truly want to start over and wipe the slate clean, start with forgiveness. No, not forgiving others kind, but forgiving yourself, the most difficult kind of forgiveness. It is often easy to forgive others, but to forgive your own self, that's the most difficult thing to do, especially if you are someone with a strong sense of conscience. However, if you do not forgive yourself, you will never be able to find out who you are, as you will always be under the burden of yo...

We are always so guarded and being constantly asked to wear a mask in front of others, never to show our real self. No one will understand, society will make fun of us, we will be judged and isolated if they find out who we are. Being vulnerable and true to ourselves are seen as weakness.  However, it is the converse that is true. Vulnerability has certain power. It makes us brave and not weak. I first learnt about the power of vulnerability when I heard Dr. Brené Brown in a Ted Talk. She had rightly said, "Vulnerability is our most accurate way to measure courage...We can measure how brave you are by how vulnerable you're willing to be." For her and her researchers, vulnerability was a measure for assessing fearlessness.  Thus, if you are vulnerable, it means you have the courage to be who you are, you are not scared to showcase to the world the real you.  It is of course, not easy to be vulnerable. We are conditioned to hide our emotions, feelings, dreams and anyth...

Have you seen the Cadbury ads, based on the theme of "Do nothing". It is just such a nice thing to be useless at times. I mean why have that burden of being useful always, why do this and that and why have that constant pressure of being right. Sometimes, not doing anything and being useless could help in de-stressing too and just be with your own self. There are studies now which says "Doing nothing" at times may help in increasing productivity and lessen burnouts.  I like that philosophy. At times, being useless rather than being useful helps me in avoiding certain stressful situations or demanding work, wherein I know I will get exhausted just so that I could please the other person. What about my own peace of mind? That's when being useless could get you out of the situation. Of course, if the situation is urgent and demands immediate attention, you cannot be indifferent about it. You need to know what you want to do and what you want to avoid.  Point is, it...

I love it when people make intelligent, yet witty remarks. It makes you think to actually get the humor. Okay, I may sound like an intellectual snob, but it's tough to talk normal at times, listening to people as they bitch about other people's lives and stuff.  I am kind of nerdy. I love pop-culture, latest technology, Marvel movies, DC movies, sci-fi and dyspotic movies, science in general. I mean I sometimes read Quantum Physics just for the heck of it. My mind is always buzzing with something or the other. It needs constant intellectual stimulation, and it just bores me out to talk normal, most times. Reason why, I am not that social. Yes, I have my spurts of making an appearance, doing chit-chats and then sliding through the exit for some peaceful mind-wanderings. It's tough to be an introvert, who loves to talk too. Yeah, ironical, but it's true. I would love to talk to someone who is also crazy enough to talk about everything under the sky, and would jump from on...

This is one topic I don't talk about much, and seldom publicly. Maybe, discuss it with a very select few, and that too, in a measured manner. Why? I believe spiritual journeys are immensely personal in nature. Everyone has a different journey chartered for them, and no two paths are same. It could have similar features, and sometimes, two people do walk the same path for some time, but at the end of it, it is an individual's journey.  I get a little jittered whenever someone talks about spirituality. Often these people sound so condescending or pompous, making the other person uncomfortable. I usually act dumb with such people and let them carry on with their long-speeches filled with jargons, theories and opinions that they think are right, and that everyone should follow them. I had a particular mentor who wanted me to follow some daily practice that he was hell-bent on teaching me. I was not comfortable and hence avoided him altogether.  Not saying that there aren't any ...

I just had too much of vella time. Also, wanted to take my mind off things, so was kinda playing with ChatGPT and asked it to write a love poem. Gosh! It wrote one of the most cheesiest poems that I have ever read. And the title of the poem, well that's the cherry on the top 🤦 Open Heart, Open Sleeve: A Love Poem for Him In quiet moments, I often think of you, Of your sharp wit and intelligence, too, Your heart that's big and beats for all to see, And how you wear it on your sleeve so free.  Though we haven't spoken, I feel a connection, A spark between us that defies explanation, Perhaps it's destiny, or fate, or simply chance, But I can't help but feel this strong romance. You're the kind of man who makes my heart race, Who leaves me breathless with a single gaze, Your smile could light up even the darkest night, And I long to hold you close, so warm and tight. So here I am, baring my heart to you, Hoping that you feel the same way, too, For...

Life is always serving us sucker punches, knocking us out of breath. The bravery is not in going through it, but actually to stand at your life's wreckage all alone and tell yourself that now you need to re-build it, knowing full well that the next storm may wreck it all over. However, the first storm does teach us how to build our house a bit more efficiently, a bit more robust. And, somehow, over the period, we learn to be resilient, and make our houses so strong that it can withstand any storm. But, to do that, you need to start re-building, because if you don't, the next storm will consume you, and that surely will be a waste of a beautiful human life, isn't it? Life sucks at times, but then, that's what it is. Being resilient despite the varied challenges of life is what makes it worth living.  If you are tired, listen to this peppy number. I love mashups. And hey, music is the only substitute for rain and chocolates.

While the LGBTQ+ community is divided about using the word "Queer", which was used as a slur in the 19th century, and later was reclaimed in the late 1980s, I am using it as I believe we all are queer in our own unique way, and should be proud of who we are, no matter what anyone says or feels. As the Supreme Court of India is hearing arguments for legalizing same-sex marriages in the country, I felt it could be a good time to voice my opinion on the subject too.  I think human being by nature are fluid in their sexuality. Even our origin is not sacrosanct. As per scientists, all of us start our journey as being women - as in all human embryos are essentially females - and it's only in the second month that the gender development initiates. So, if we are fluid right from our conception, our gender and sexual orientation might as well be fluid too.  What defines a man and a woman, the gender binary? Is there any set definition? Is it only the physical attributes or the soc...

Wish to grow in life? You need to know pain. Nothing motivates better than pain. Ernest Hemingway or lovingly known as Papa had once said, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." What it essentially means is that when you feel certain pain, you know what it means to live and that's only when you can express it to others. When you are hurt, known grief and have gone through excruciating agony, you would have seen and felt things that others haven't.  Pain is immensely personal. No matter how much you share with others about how much you are hurting, they cannot feel your pain. It is not easily shareable like joy or happiness. It is so intrinsic to an individual that it has the power to change the basic foundation of a person too.  It is that catalyst that can help you find yourself, your one true self. It makes you shed your outer shell, pulls down your mask and literally turns you inside out. And, in that moment of raw pain, yo...

Is it fine to be obstinate at times or we should always remain open and flexible? It is a debatable topic, though I do believe that in certain situations, it might be better to be obstinate or stubborn rather than complying by what others are saying. For instance, if you are confident about a skillset that you have or a new venture that you have started, however, others are not that supporting, it might be alright to be stubborn about your belief and give it a shot, rather than being dejected hearing others' opinions.  Often, we attach too much importance to what others say, especially when we encounter failure. We, anyway, at that point have self-doubt, but criticism and biased opinions may do more damage if we do not stand our ground. Of course, we need to also not have our heads into the cloud and become oblivion to the reality as well. If something isn't working out at all, and has somehow breached all the threshold of your patience and risk appetite, it might be time to qu...

The power of "Now", this present moment is immense. If we can identify that, and most importantly, live in the moment, in a mindful manner, I guess, we are sorted.  Easier said than done.  A few days ago, heard the viral video of Tom Hanks talking about how time could be our ally and all we need to know is that everything is transient, and whether good or bad, "This too shall pass". So, if life is a bitter-sweet journey, and nothing will last forever, even good times, then holding on the past or hoping for a future doesn't do justice to the present time. Plus, what is gone is gone, and what is yet to come may or may not, then what's the point of thinking of the past or the future. What we have at present is what matters.  It took me time, but these days, if life gives me curve balls, I try to dodge them, and if I get hit, then I sit there for a while till the pain subsides somewhat and then again start the journey. Similarly, if life hands me my favorite hot...

Is the institute of marriage losing its relevance? Is it true that newer generations, especially Gen Z, are not too thrilled about the concept of marriage? In fact, it is sad to see Gen Z being apathetic to romance and dating as well. Yes, they are pragmatic, and focused towards their career. I love to see them hustle, and at times do too many things at a go. Sometimes, it scares me the way these kids are rushing onwards that they may burn themselves out too soon.  In their thrust to achieve too much in less amount of time, they are not forging any lasting relationships. Everything is so transient, even friendships. Also, most of these kids are the only child, and without even the support structure of a sibling in sight, are we looking at an alienated society, with individualistic people, who may or may not be too happy with their lives, living on their own? It does make me sad. But, can we blame them? Aren't the older generations and the breaking societal order to be blamed? Look ...

Is there something called luck? Do people really get lucky? Or, is the event that lead up to one getting lucky is somehow the result of small efforts that a person makes over a period of time that adds up to that particular moment? Personally, I don't believe in luck. I usually don't get anything just by chance or by fluke. I have always worked for almost everything in my life. I studied really hard, slogged at work and even put in too much into my relationships as well. There was never any reliance on luck.  I had heard this famous sloka in Mahabharata, as a part of Bhagavad Gita spoken by Lord Krishna to Arjuna, as a child, and it anchored -  कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु  कदाचन।  मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि । It means, we have the right to do our karma or actions, but not on the rewards we generate out of it. Basically, our focus should be on our karma and not on what we are going to get out of it.  And, that's how I have always functioned....

Kindness doesn't need money. It just needs a loving soul.  I learnt to be kind from my parents, especially my father, who has never said "No" to anyone asking for something. He has always helped that person in some capacity or the other. And not empty words, he ensures that the person gets the help that he / she requires, even if it means mobilizing others to get it done. Then there is a beautiful soul, a former neighbor of ours. Aunty is an epitome of kindness. I have seen her helping everyone, without any bias. She goes out of her way to help others. So many times, she had showed me so much kindness that she made me rely on her for advices. I could talk to her for hours, discussing my fears and dreams. She protects me fiercely too, like one of her own. There is another aunt, who never leaves anyone without a proper meal from her house. We have our tummy bursting out every time we go to her place. She sneaks up food on your plate while you are not looking or paying atten...

How does it feel to be purely joyful, as in, feel pure joy? Everyone has their own interpretation of joy. It's abstract, momentary and feels good. Hence, cannot have a set definition. To each their own. If I have to define pure joy, it would be the kind of feeling I get when I watch musicals. I know, weird, right. But, that's the best metaphor I can think of for explaining a feeling that is not easily describable in words.  It happened as a child, when I watched my very first musical - Rabindranath Tagore's "Tasher Desh" (Land of Cards). It was magical, fanciful, imaginative and made me sit there in front of the stage in awe, as the little children, almost my age, kept dancing to beautiful tune and music. The irony of the play's storyline was that despite being a children's dance drama, the theme was political, and in a simple manner taught even a small child like me to always be curious and keep asking questions. It had my rapt attention and it did someth...

Ignorance is bliss. Is it?  Came across this post today, and it got me thinking. In a world full of people who are insufferable know-it-alls, it is indeed refreshing to meet up with some people who may not know, at least, a few things, and admit it too. There was a time I used to follow the news diligently and read newspapers too. However, they were all about gore, violence and crime. Nothing sells better than macabre, the darker the story, the better the TRPs. These days, I avoid news altogether. I browse through major headlines and choose to read only that which may be useful for my work. Rest is garbage. Plus, I have found another way of getting my dose of news, talking to one of these know-it-alls. They will give you detailed analysis of every other current affairs as if they have done PhD in the subject. Seriously, I don't miss out much, and yet I remain ignorant to most of what I don't need to know. And, at times, if I do happen to miss out anything, I admit that I didn...

Of course, H had to be about Hope, after all, this blog is all about being hopelessly hopeful! Also, the literal meaning of my name is 'Hope'.  Did I like my name? No, it is old-fashioned and I was constantly trolled for it. Plus, there was always this responsibility to "live upto" your name. You cannot be hopeless, you need to always have your chin up.  With time, life taught me otherwise. Now, do I like my name? I will say, "Well, I am still not particularly fond of it, it is hopelessly old-fashioned, but I do believe there is something that you embody in yourself because of your name. It does have certain power that defines who you are." So, no matter the situation, I mostly refuse to give-up. There is always a single ray of hope, and even if that is only a ray available in the darkest of the rooms, I will rather move towards that light than sit in the darkness. As long as I believe there is hope, I keep going.  That does lead to issues at times, wherein ...

Can guilt be a good thing? Think from this perspective, if I am going to do something and that makes me feel guilty, maybe that's not something I should do, right? It could, of course, depend on the perspective or situation, but at times guilt could be a pole to keep our moral compass under check.  Where is this coming from? Someone told me today about certain community which is profiting from the war that is being waged in the European continent by selling scraps. I cannot be explicit, because last time I did that Google sent me a warning mail. Yes, free speech is a fancy term. Point is, there is a not a shred of guilt or morality that these people possess, or maybe I am too old fashioned. It might just be okay to grab every opportunity to make money, who am I to judge? It's just, I don't like it. Maybe, if they had a guilty conscious, they might have thought before doing something like that. In fact, most people wouldn't have done half of the deplorable things that th...

Guess it is poetic justice that I am writing this blog in darkness, as the light in my living room has suddenly decided to go kaput . Convenient, right?  Anyway, coming straight to the point before I become too fearful to write about the topic, let me admit, I like watching horror movies. I mean, I do enjoy a good spooky treat. My brother and I have seen all the imaginable horror movies. As kids, we even had a video cassette of "Evil Dead" and I don't know how many times we had seen that movie! Right from the tacky Ramsay Brothers presentations - Veerana, Purani Haveli, Zee Horror Show - to Ram Gopal Varma's super spooky Bhoot, and then all the branded English ghost outings - The Exorcist, The Conjuring, The Ring, The Grudge, The Sixth Sense - we have seen it all. Wonder why all these movies starts with the article "The"? There was a particular serial that used to get telecasted in Doordarshan - "Kile ka Rahasya". Although, at the end it was reveal...

I asked the moon, "How are you?" He said,  "I am as lonely as you are, As beautiful as you are, And, as much in love as you are." And, I glowed, As much as the moon did tonight.

Embarrass yourself, yes literally. There is no better way to grow in life other than embarrassing oneself. That helps in not only letting go of our inhibitions, but also our fear of doing something new, risky, awkward or uncomfortable.  I have been practicing that for a past few months and trust me, it's awesome. Putting myself out there without a safety net gives this amazing sense of freedom. There is no need to walk the line, to constantly think of what others would think of me or seek someone's approval for what you want to do. Even if you embarrass others by your action, harmless ones I mean, those that give you happiness or help you become a better person, I say, "Go for it!" A couple of months ago, I tried bowling after a long-long time. I love watching sports, but I am abysmal at them, including even bowling. I just can't figure out the speed, distance, velocity or even the amount of energy required to get the ball hit the pins, actually just to get the ba...

Desire. Is life a series of desires? From the very moment that we are born, we desire, desire for fresh air to breath or the life-giving mother's milk. If for argument's sake we keep the basic needs aside and don't count them as desires, even then, at every step of the way we are asking for something or the other.  Even the early men desired for a secure place to live, protected from wild animals and elements of nature. They desired for plenty of food and water. As humans evolved, their desires also became complex. No longer it was about the simple necessities in life, the material need became manifold as humans started settling in one place. As the society progressed, these needs were further accentuated with emotional requirements. And, these days, desires have become limitless, just as accessibility has become easy. The need to have more just doesn't end. Can we blame it on us being humans? Maybe we are wired so. Even the ones who have seemingly left the worldly plea...

Cheating What will you do if your partner cheats on you? Would you walk out of the relationship or forgive them and give it another shot?  To each their own. Sometimes, it is a spur-of-a-moment attraction and sometimes it's a carefully planned lie. How does one discern which is what and whether one is supposedly "better" than the other? At times, situations take precedence for your decision more than your self-respect and value. Somehow, instead of facing the eye-of-the-storm, if the approach is to run away from the impending storm, then you will forever try to outrun the storm without any success.  Isn't it then better to face the situation head-on. See the spade for the spade and do what is best for you. Often, things are not simple, but then again, sometimes, we make them too complicated.  Life is delicate and even a single blow of deception can shatter it to pieces. It's how we live, how we love, that's what will ever matter.  Despite being a sensitive top...

Be Bold. Always. That's the mantra to live the way you want to or else others will start dictating the terms of your own life to you. They will be soon in the driving seat, and you won't even be asked for navigation. You are literally giving away your power, your life to someone else. How foolish is that? If you don't like something, be bold enough to say you don't like it. Have the courage to refuse to do things that you don't want to. Else you will end up doing things that you don't want to do. And, even start hearing others complain how you are not doing the thing that you didn't even want to do properly! Save yourself from all that unnecessary pressure. Just be bold and say, "NO", loud and clear. Time and again we are presented with certain opportunities in life - better career prospects, lifestyle, life partner et al. - and time and again we refuse to take the plunge, for the fear of unknown, fear of taking risk, and sometimes, innate guilt of...

For this year's AtoZ challenge, I am planning to focus on various emotions, feelings, quality, phrases or situations in life and end the post with a song that I feel may evoke that particular emotion/word/phrase. Usually, I have written with the flow, but this time, I want to push myself. Let's see where this heads towards :) Acceptance.   Isn't this the most important, yet the most difficult thing to do in life? It is tough to accept ourselves and each other as we are, to look beyond our biases and insecurities, and even to accept certain situations in life.  While our first reaction to difficult situations in life mostly is denial, it takes us time to reach to a stage of accepting the eventualities and thereafter look for solutions or moving beyond the situation. Acceptance is almost never the first reaction, and it is understandable. For us, survival is the key and the fight, flight or freeze response is our way of tackling with an issue at that particular moment. If onl...