Shiva and I

As a child, I was lonely. I had questions, millions of them, but had no one to ask them to. I forever felt out of place. There wasn't a single person I could talk to about the constant churn I felt inside. 

That's when I found Shiva, not as a God, but as a guide. I started calling him Baba, he is still my Baba, someone who is always watching over me. People may call me delusional, but belief is that, not something one can explain. Then again, I realised at a young age that I can tap into this immense energy. However that realisation also made me thoughtful and sensitive towards others. I could wish for others. Slowly, the realisation dawned that we are not that different after all.

Shiva became an integral part of who I am. No, I didn't and still don't worship him in a ritualistic way. I don't go to temple to give him offerings. He is there as a formless being. A cold energy that centers my existence. 

Till recently, I saw Shiva as a light form, now, that is transcending into darkness. There is this vast nothingness, the shunya, that is manifesting. And beyond that, there is emptiness. I am at the edge of shunya, in that darkness also I can see. It's beautiful, it's primordial.  

Darkness is sacred. I believe so, because the path that led me here is love. That beautiful, yet powerful force that binds us as well as sets us free. It is upto us what we choose. 

I am at the knowing but not yet at dissolution. I still need to achieve the balance between the feminine and the masculine, the yin and the yang, the Shiva and the Shakti, both within and without. 

There is peace and stillness. 

The beyond is achievable.