A letter to my 13-year-old-self

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My dear 13-year-old-self,

I know today has been an important day in your life. Today, you started a journey of a life-long search. I know how scared and confused you felt when you saw something beyond your own face reflected in the mirror.

As you whirled and danced to a tune unknown and suddenly stopped in front of the mirror, you saw yourself, and all of a sudden, you asked, “Who am I?” That one question opened a pandora’s box for you. Something beyond recognition told you that there is so much more to life than the one that is being projected in the world. You saw a glimpse of it. And, once you did, you couldn’t un-see it. It got etched into your memory forever.  

Dear darling, I know at this point in time you are more worried about your Maths scores, your English essays and your secret first crush. Let me tell you, you will work really hard to score well in Maths and you will become an editor too. As for that crush, gosh girl, you have some really crazy taste in guys. He will become a local goon and even stalk you for a while!

Life will not be easy. Yes, I hear you, it has never been easy for you, how hard can it get? You have your benchmark for hurt and pain, and let me tell you, that benchmark will take you through everything that you will face in life. Things at which others crumble, you will still get up and walk, and that too with your head held high.

It’s the year for you to find your old soul, the one that cares for and loves everyone, without distinction. You have received the gift of kindness as your legacy. You will laugh with others and cry alone. You will start writing poetries. You will find a way to express yourself – through the written words. You will also start to build walls around you, as you vow to not let anyone hurt you anymore. You will thrive in your loneliness, often sitting for hours on the stairs. Oh! Stairs, they will be your new refuge. You will question and think, and think a lot there.

You will read, almost everything. This is the starting of your journey of becoming a bookworm. You will save money to buy books, rent them, exchange them or borrow them. They will be your best friends. They will take you to various adventures.

But your original itch to know about yourself will keep re-surfacing. That’s when you will discover Vivekananda. His words will resonate with your inner self. They will make sense to you.

You will be fascinated by famous lives. You will try to find your ideals, and in that search, you will go to Kolkata to meet Mother Teressa. You will miss meeting her by 10 minutes, and that will again change your life. My just-about-teenage self, if you had met her that day, I assure you, this letter would have never been written. That meeting would have triggered your path towards renunciation. But that did not happen.

You are at a cusp where you had seen too much and starting a journey that few dares to undertake.

You are crucial to me, because that day, if you didn’t ask yourself, “Who am I?”, I would have forever remained ignorant of myself.

So, thank you, my 13-year-old-self, and I promise you, I will keep walking the path with my head held high.

With love,
Your 44-year-old-self

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