While I was searching…

There was a time when I searched for answers in various religious places and spiritual centers. I travelled all over the country to understand if I could gain some insights that could soothe my soul, make me calm and less disoriented.

Whenever I visited any of these places, I felt peaceful, calm. I was grounded. There wasn’t any confusion, noise or anxiety.

Each place had a different energy, and at each place I reacted in a different manner.

I cried and shed some silent tears at Golden Temple. The energy was as cool as the sharovar (lake). I could not feel Krishna when I went to Badrinath Temple. Yet, I could sense his energy higher up in the Himalayas – someone else, who dabbles in energy, confirmed this. I knew I could wish for something at Manikaran Gurudwara, but didn’t feel like it. I felt overwhelming sadness as I listened to the live qawwalis at Hazrat Nizamuddin Dargah.

Then there was a time when I dabbled in Buddhism. Not that I could imbibe everything, there were, however, a few concepts that helped me in re-orienting my life and truly changed its course.

Impermanence: Nothing is permanent. Even Hinduism teaches us this. However, the moment you start believing in it, it becomes easier to deal with pain, disappointment and even joy. It gives a meaning to the complete meaninglessness of any situation. I don’t know how to explain this. You start realizing each moment. If you are happy, you know it is not permanent. The same is true for any sad situation. It is liberating when you actually realize it. It doesn’t matter whatever the situation is, because it will not last. Change is the only constant. So enjoy the happiness and have patience when you are in a difficult situation. Live in that moment.

Detachment: While impermanence is the theory, detachment is the implementation. When you realize that everything is impermanent, your perspective changes. You start viewing everything from a detached attitude. You no longer become a part of the situation, you become a third-party audience to your own life. When you see it from a panoramic view, you become a critic and you would know what to do in a particular situation.

The Middle Path: As you analyze a situation, you know you need to act accordingly. Here comes the Middle Path. There is always a solution that is not overtly polarized. We just need to find it. I have been practicing this for a while now, and it has helped me in many tricky situations.

In my Buddhist trail, I visited Dharamshala too and undertook some nice treks as well. It was sublime to be woken up at dawn with the chants of “Om Mani Padme Hum” echoing throughout the valley.

I volunteered / worked for a short while at CORD (Chinmaya Organisation for Rural Development) at Sidhbari. There I met with an enigmatic soul – Dr. Kshama Metre. She could feel my confusion, my need for answers. She gave me a documentary on Swami Chinmayananda’s life. I was amazed to know that Swami Chinmayananda started as an atheist, and it was his sheer curiosity and quest for finding the answers that led him to the spiritual path.

Once when I asked Dr. Didi, as she is fondly called, whether there is any meaning to our lives. She told me two stories / anecdotes. The first one was about Swami Chinmayananda. Once when Swami Chinmayananda got hospitalized, a nurse came and said that she has to give him a sponge bath. Swami Chinmayananda looked at her and said, “I am immaculate.” She couldn’t understand and thought that he might be hallucinating and repeated that she needs to give him a bath. This went on for a few times. Finally, Swami Chinmayananda realized that she will not understand it yet, and let her give him a bath. Dr. Metre was there and witnessed this in rapt silence. She said to me, “You would only know something if you are ready to receive it. Otherwise, even the words from Gods will be worthless.”

Then she talked about an encounter between Gandhiji and Ramana Maharshi. Many believe that such an encounter never occurred, however, the end to this story has a beautiful message. Once Gandhiji went to meet Ramana Maharshi, asking him to join the freedom movement. Ramana Maharshi refused saying that it doesn’t matter whether he becomes a part of the movement or not. It will anyway happen. He was referring to the impermanence of the situation, and finally told Gandhiji, “But you keep doing the good work.”

Ending the stories, Dr. Metre said, “Why worry about whether life has any meaning or not, just keep doing the good work.”

That was that. A powerful message delivered.

Yes, it doesn’t matter. Just keep doing the good work.

Another lesson that I learnt, was again from an observation by Usha aunty, a pranic healer and one of my mentors, who passed away a few years ago. I told Usha aunty about my travel stories and quest to find answers, and how each place made me feel. She listened to me quietly and then said, “There was a time when I did that too. I had visited a lot of places as well, and it was all the same. You tend to feel a sense of peace once you are there and then it is the same chaos as you come back home. It’s then you realize after some time that unless you are grounded in your own life, unless you fully own yourself, love yourself, you will always try to find peace in an external place.”

That was that too. I haven’t really visited any holy place post that for the sole purpose to find answers.

Instead, the answers have found me. And, yes, I am continuing to do the good work. :)