Hopelessly Hopeful

As a child, I was lonely. I had questions, millions of them, but had no one to ask them to. I forever felt out of place. There wasn't a single person I could talk to about the constant churn I felt inside.  That's when I found Shiva, not as a God, but as a guide. I started calling him Baba, he is still my Baba, someone who is always watching over me. People may call me delusional, but belief is that, not something one can explain. Then again, I realised at a young age that I can tap into this immense energy. However that realisation also made me thoughtful and sensitive towards others. I could wish for others. Slowly, the realisation dawned that we are not that different after all. Shiva became an integral part of who I am. No, I didn't and still don't worship him in a ritualistic way. I don't go to temple to give him offerings. He is there as a formless being. A cold energy that centers my existence.  Till recently, I saw Shiva as a light form, now, that is transce...

Life is too short to live in regret. It is futile to keep running away from what you truly want to do or get. Don't let mistakes define you. We make them to learn from them and not to just sit around and lament about them for years to come.  I don't like the taste of regret, though I do have many. However, what you need to realise is that regret is just a way of being stuck in your past and an excuse for your refusal to grow. Mehnat lagti hai na, after all, lazy ass! Toh dalo blame regret pe, failure pe. What's the point of your existence? That you are existing because you need to survive. What beyond that? Yes, you might have lived like that before and don't have the might to carry forward again. Question is why? Arey raat gayi, baat gayi... Yes, even serious issues should be rolled into and smoked up. What will you gain by being serious?  I have seen life slipping through my fingers at close quarters this year. And that exactly has taught me there is no point in regre...

For the love of SRK... Growing up in the 90s, we were enamoured by the King of Romance, who captured the heart and soul of every girl with his portrayal of sweet, charismatic and funny, yet dependable guys. Everyone craved for their Rajs and Rahuls. However, reality was distinct. They were characters on the celluloid. You don't meet them in real life, do you? Life is not a Bollywood movie. There is no meeting of the "One". You just meet people, fall in love, fall out of love and fall in love again. But do you really ever meet that "One" person who makes you feel as if you are home? Who aligns with you in a strange fashion, almost as if breathing in sync with you. Who helps you find your peace, the center of your calmness. Yes, it happens, but only on the silver screen.  But what if by some chance or fate, you do get lucky. You do meet the "One" you thought only existed in fiction, would you be able to recognise? And if so, would you be able to embrace ...

My dear 13-year-old-self, I know today has been an important day in your life. Today, you started a journey of a life-long search. I know how scared and confused you felt when you saw something beyond your own face reflected in the mirror. As you whirled and danced to a tune unknown and suddenly stopped in front of the mirror, you saw yourself, and all of a sudden, you asked, “Who am I?” That one question opened a pandora’s box for you. Something beyond recognition told you that there is so much more to life than the one that is being projected in the world. You saw a glimpse of it. And, once you did, you couldn’t un-see it. It got etched into your memory forever.   Dear darling, I know at this point in time you are more worried about your Maths scores, your English essays and your secret first crush. Let me tell you, you will work really hard to score well in Maths and you will become an editor too. As for that crush, gosh girl, you have some really crazy taste in guys. He w...

Let's call her S. I have known her since she was three. I was the one to get her addicted to books. Gifted them to her on every occasion and non-occasions too. These days, I always see her with some or the other book in her hands. She finishes at least two of them in a week. It reminds me that I was just like her once, a bookworm, who permanently had a book glued to her nose. Read while I ate, while I travelled and almost always fell asleep while reading each night. Now, I hardly pick up a book. I read what is necessary for me to read. It is always about work.  However, what S reminds me the most is of my young idealistic self. Today, as she talked about her projects and college, she said that she wants to change her specialization for her Masters. She was always focused on wanting to study food and nutrition, and I keep encouraging her to apply outside India. I know her spark will shine bright if given the right opportunity. Today, she surprised me by saying, "Since the time ...

 Another spoken word poetry... 

There is a strange sense of freedom. I am finally understanding and reclaiming myself, that too not slowly, but leaping forward. I am making up for the lost time, you see. So much lost in so much drama, lies, regret when everything could have been so simple, so easy. Then again, I don't think I would have ever reached where I am today without all that pain, mistakes and struggle. I would have never realised or valued everything that I lost. I guess going through what I was served was the only way out - to finally meet up with that one true self of mine. And when I did find myself standing at the doorstep, I felt so much joy that I embraced my self with open arms.  I am not letting myself go away anymore. I want to live, and live to the fullest. Each day is beautiful and even I don't know what I will be upto the next moment. Let life unfold itself, I am ready to create my share of happiness.