Remembrance

How does it feel to be disowned, to be thrown out on the streets, to be unsupported? It's like your flesh being cut open and someone liberally sprinkling salt and spice on it. Although, you want to scream in agony, your voice is drowned somewhere in the din of your own inner hurt. You are so hurt that you even stop feeling it altogether. You want the moment to pass, but you know things will not settle so soon, it will take time, you would need to go through the motion, you would need to soak in the bitter moments that you are put into. You just fervently wish for one thing, strength, the strength to see it through, to ride out that wave, because you know you are made of better metal than the ones they think you are made up of. And, sometimes, you need to show them the finger...

The world has changed, so I have. The world is still changing, and so I am. Change is the only permanence, and it is stupid enough to seek anything that is permanent, because nothing is. Have I learnt something new? Have I become a better person? Have I stopped making the same mistakes over and over? Don’t know, the answer is still illusive. All I know, I have become calm.

What do you do when you find yourself in the same situation again? Would you make the same mistakes or would you be wiser this time? Would you not be impulsive and jump to conclusions? Would you take your time, be patient and wait for the right time to say the right thing or ruin everything by being anxious and stupid? Would you keep your cool and not become obsessive? Most importantly, would you remember that all the drama that you would create would finally go down the drain? You have already learnt, already burnt your fingers. You know what to do, there is no need to re-learn them in a painful way. Don't run to it, walk swiftly, walk surely and enjoy the view while you inch towards your destination. 

Are you wise now? That's not a rhetorical question, but the answer is not a simple yes. Yes, I take my decisions measured at every teaspoon. Yes, I do not trust people easily. Yes, I have learnt to let broken relations be. Yes, now I remain calm when I am hurt. Yes, I can see nothing is permanent. And, yes, nothing really matters after all. Is that being wise? If that is wise, what happens to vulnerability, spontaneity and of course, life itself?

They are the sophisticated, they are the nice I am the misfit, I am the vice They make rules, they keep order I break rules, I thrive in disorder They are the genesis, the cream at the top I am the anti-thesis, the residual crop They have it all, yet they fear their fall I have only the ground, yet I dare make the call

We love to live in our small little bubbles. Everything else is the outside world, the make belief. Only our bubbles are real for us, nothing could permeate them, pollute them, as long as we continue to believe that our bubbles are for real. We exist in these happy bubbles, blissfully ignoring whatever that does not bother us. Things happen, but no, never to us, they happen to others. Our bubbles are safe, they are real. We are the master of fake science; the quacks who treat themselves with wrong 'sweet' medicine; the travelers who have no sense of direction, nor do they enjoy their wandering; the masks that hide the real faces, the faces that we dare not see ourselves. But, we exist, we exist in our small little bubbles, because we believe that our bubbles are for real...

When we look at our bygone years, we often say, 'Well, I am wiser now, I will not be repeating those mistakes'. But, do we ever say, 'Good that I made that mistake, I am wiser now because of it'.  As clichéd as the saying might be, it is also true - We learn from our mistakes. Yes, we all do, however, how many of us are really ready to make a mistake? How many of us could say, 'Let's do it, let's take the risk, I might be making a huge mistake, I may fail, but who cares, I would not know if it would be a mistake if I don't do it at the first place!'  We live our lives conditioned around so many factors - our family, peers, friends, society et al. There aren't any scope for mistakes, for failures, we want to blend in and not stand out. So, everyone is taught how to run the race and try and stay ahead of everyone else. Fun part is, this race never ends, we just keep running. And, then we stumble, just like everyone else. That's when we realise ...