Hopelessly Hopeful

Life is what you make of it, literally. You are creating your own reality at each moment, at each breath that you take. So, why create something sad or unhappy? Create something unexpected, surprising, and who knows, maybe something a little risky too. After all,  life mein risk nahi liya toh kya kiya ? Although, that doesn't mean swimming through the gutter water of waterlogged Gurugram! It means more than that, it means swimming with the sharks. The fun is in beating the sharks in their own game and winning it even when you reek of blood from your open wounds. When you are stuck in a situation, there comes a time when you don't want to be bothered about it anymore. You just want to say, 'Enough, I have given too much mind space to you, let me move on to something else.' And, when you say that, you feel a certain lightheartedness about it, you start feeling to be yourself. You connect with your inner self. And when you do so, you don't find a boring you, you f...

She often wonders how sometimes life comes smacking on her face. Just when she wants to forget things, go about distracting herself, laugh with friends or simply work to numb her senses, things take a turn towards a signpost that bleeds her heart out. The cards were dealt and she was winning at it. She was finally defeating that dreaded pain and hurt. And, that's when it happened. She was at Cloud 9 when the thunder struck and thrashed her to the ground. As she lay there, bruised and hurt, she wondered what just happened. But she knew she need to get up. She mustered enough courage to get going. She lifted her aching limbs slowly and with great difficulty stood up. As she wobbled to regain her strength, she was hit by a double whammy. Another unexpected blow, a cloud burst and her very being was threatened to be swept off. They tried their best, but they were never prepared for her resolute self. She stood by the deluge, rooting herself to the very ground she knew will n...

I chanced upon an Osho talk a few days ago, wherein the spiritual guru said something so relevant about this question. He said that when it comes to doing something wrong, we never consult anybody, we don’t even listen to our conscience, we just do it. If it means hurting someone, be jealous of somebody, inflict our anger or hatred, we just go ahead do it. But, when it comes to doing the opposite, as in doing something good and right, we bottle it up. We say let the right moment come and we would do it then or let me consult someone before doing this. Question is, why do we delay taking a decision that we inertly know is right? It might be because doing something right requires courage. It is often against the norm or the general tide. It could be something challenging or even life-altering. And, that’s where the problem arises. Reminds me of a line from ‘Step Up 3’. “It’s never easy to take the most important decisions in life.” And, of course, all the important dec...

So when the puppy love strikes, you feel the butterflies in your stomach, the world goes round and you hear music in the air. Happened to all of us when we were young, happy and without a doubt in our head.  As you grew old, you wised up. You became cautious. You started to trust less, even the one you loved and married. You made boundaries around yourself. You were inaccessible. But, isn’t that just the opposite of being in love. If you love someone, you need to be vulnerable, you need to let yourself get hurt, and understand that nothing is perfect, and of course, that there is nothing called ‘happily forever’… It’s this expectation of ‘being happy’ in love portrayed in movies and books that creates undue pressure in any relationship. You want your love life to be ‘bookish’ or ‘filmy’, with Raj serenading you in the laps of Swiss valley and Simran running to catch the train. Ask yourself, do you really need that bull crap in your life? Won’t it be better to be ...

Don't know why I missed out on 'Tamasha'. Finally, saw it last night, an amazing, yet difficult movie to make. Ranbir Kapoor, as Ved, was predictably fabulous, and Deepika as Tara, was the apt catalyst who turned Ved's life upside down. More than a movie, it was a treatise on modern life. It was like watching your daily mundane existence being portrayed on the wide canvas, as you struggle through to keep your inner conflict in check. You want to be someone else, but you end up being someone else. You want to do something else, but you end up doing something else. But, in that helpless mechanical existance as well, we have a choice - to say 'No' to it. After all, we have chosen that life, and no one but ourselves are to be blamed for it. And, no one but ourselves can change it as well. So, at the witching hour, with the lingering sound of 'Matargashti' in the background, I penned the following poem: He wasn't a man of 9 to 5, He wasn't...

That's a question for anyone who is above 30. Ask yourself, when was the last time you made a friend. And, I am not talking about someone you met and added on Facebook. It is the kind of friendship you struck when you were a kid, when you became friends with anyone and everyone without judging them. But, do you do that now? As you grow old, you pile up conventions after conventions. You create certain 'ideals', you need your new friend to fit in your definition of that 'ideal'. Those ideals could range from the banal to the sublime. You only want to be friends with people who are of your class, status, match your intellectual wavelength, adventurous, humorous... the list goes on as you add more numbers and white hair (not necessarily in the same order) to your life.  You lose your spontaneity to be friends with a stranger, someone who is totally unlike you or someone who breaks every possible definition of your 'ideal' friend.  Question is why...

How does it feel to be disowned, to be thrown out on the streets, to be unsupported? It's like your flesh being cut open and someone liberally sprinkling salt and spice on it. Although, you want to scream in agony, your voice is drowned somewhere in the din of your own inner hurt. You are so hurt that you even stop feeling it altogether. You want the moment to pass, but you know things will not settle so soon, it will take time, you would need to go through the motion, you would need to soak in the bitter moments that you are put into. You just fervently wish for one thing, strength, the strength to see it through, to ride out that wave, because you know you are made of better metal than the ones they think you are made up of. And, sometimes, you need to show them the finger...

The world has changed, so I have. The world is still changing, and so I am. Change is the only permanence, and it is stupid enough to seek anything that is permanent, because nothing is. Have I learnt something new? Have I become a better person? Have I stopped making the same mistakes over and over? Don’t know, the answer is still illusive. All I know, I have become calm.

What do you do when you find yourself in the same situation again? Would you make the same mistakes or would you be wiser this time? Would you not be impulsive and jump to conclusions? Would you take your time, be patient and wait for the right time to say the right thing or ruin everything by being anxious and stupid? Would you keep your cool and not become obsessive? Most importantly, would you remember that all the drama that you would create would finally go down the drain? You have already learnt, already burnt your fingers. You know what to do, there is no need to re-learn them in a painful way. Don't run to it, walk swiftly, walk surely and enjoy the view while you inch towards your destination. 

Are you wise now? That's not a rhetorical question, but the answer is not a simple yes. Yes, I take my decisions measured at every teaspoon. Yes, I do not trust people easily. Yes, I have learnt to let broken relations be. Yes, now I remain calm when I am hurt. Yes, I can see nothing is permanent. And, yes, nothing really matters after all. Is that being wise? If that is wise, what happens to vulnerability, spontaneity and of course, life itself?